How Ted Met Robin Sparkles
by Corrupt200
Summary: Ted and his family take a trip to Toronto in 1993. While at a restaurant, Ted hears "Let Go To The Mall" and falls in love with the song and the singer. (He later sees the video) He finds out that Robin is performing in Toronto and is determined to see her in concert.
1. How Ted Met Robin Sparkles-Act 1

Ted's trip to Toronto in 1993

Ted goes to Toronto and meets Robin Sparkles…little does he know that he was meeting his future best friend and eventual wife.

Mosby bedroom. October, 2032.

ROBIN: I know it's hard for you to get rid of Tracy's possessions, but this is an important part of letting go.

TED: Yeah, I just don't want to forget her altogether. The ukulele and the yellow umbrella are thing I keep to remember her. In fact that ukulele is what she used to remember Max.

ROBIN: I'm not saying you have to get rid of everything. Just the stuff that does not really have sentimental value. Penny has already sorted out the clothes she wants to keep for herself so we have no issues in getting rid of the clothes.

TED: Maybe you could wear them. Hahaha.

ROBIN: We didn't have the same build, silly! [pauses] But seriously, Tracy wanted to end poverty. By donating these clothes and some of her valuables, you could be carrying out her legacy.

TED: She continues to do that from the grave. All the posthumous profits from her books, after taxes and financial support to the kids, go to charity and educational services, kind of like Paul Newman with his salad dressing.

ROBIN: I am not doing this to be mean, my love. It doesn't mean I miss her any less. But now that I live here, we need to make room for my possessions. I already had to get rid of a lot of my unnecessary items back at my apartment prior to moving here. We will keep all the photos of her. And we will keep the more significant stuff of sentimental value here.

9 hours later.

Several boxes fill the Mosby living room.

TED: Looks like we're all set.

LUKE: It's a big and difficult step, but Mom would have wanted it that way.

PENNY: It's amazing how much stuff Mom accumulated over the years. But it was time to get rid of them. Mom would have wanted them to go to the less fortunate.

ROBIN: But we still have the yellow umbrella, the ukulele, and her toy bus. We also have copies of all her published books. I have a box of other possession of sentimental value that serve as possible heirlooms. I'm going to take this box to the attic.

Attic. Robin places a box marked "Tracy's Valuables" in the attic. She sees a box marked "Ted's childhood memorabilia". Her journalistic curiosity makes her open that box. She sorts thru the items in the box, and chuckles. As she sorts thru the box, suddenly, her eyes bulge and her jaw drops.

5 minutes later. Mosby Living Room. Ted and the kids are still there. Robin enters with a CD in her left hand.

ROBIN: TED! Where did you get this? [Puts CD in Ted's hand]

TED: Oh my God! I forgot all about this! [The CD cover case shows a picture of Robin as Robin Sparkles. It reads "Robin Sparkles: Make it Sparkle".]

LUKE: Dad, I did not know did you bought a copy of Robin's album.

PENNY: Did you get so addicted to her song that you bought this compact disc from that website you talk so much about?

TED: I can't lie to you kids…yes I did!

ROBIN: Ted, the box had only 1990s memorabilia. You must have bought it in the 1990s while in Canada. Because I know that mall song did not make the US charts. Also, by 2006, my album went out of print, thank God!

TED: You caught me. I got this from a trip I made to Toronto in 1993. Actually I did not buy it…it was a gift to me from a close friend, a very close friend.

PENNY: Dad what are you talking about?

TED: Kids, Sparkly, have a seat on the couch.

LUKE: Oh God, not again!

ROBIN: I hate nicknames!

[the kids sit on the couch, bored as hell. Robin sits left of Luke with flared nostril ridges and wide, unblinking eyes]

TED: Kids, honey, let me tell you the story about how I met Robin Sparkles…

End of Act 1


	2. How Ted Met Robin Sparkles-Act 2

_DISCLAIMER: I do not intend for this plot to be canon to the TV series._

Flashback. Ted's childhood living room, Cleveland, July 20, 1993.

Ted is sitting in front of a TV watching a rerun of "Family Ties." Several packed suitcases stand near the entrance of the house. Ted has his Jewfro and is wearing glasses, jeans, and a T-shirt.

FUTURE TED VOICEOVER: It was back in the summer of 1993 before my sophomore year of high school. I was 15 at the time and living with your Grandpa Alfred, Grandma Virginia, and Aunt Heather. I had finished my packing a watching a rerun of a popular show from my childhood called "Family Ties", which premiered when I was 4 years old and 2 years before your mom was born. Most people liked the show because of Michael J. Fox, the best Canadian-born celebrity of all time…

FUTURE ROBIN VOICE OVER: TED!

FUTURE TED VOICEOVER: Sorry, Robin. The second best Canadian-born celebrity of all time. My favorite character was the mother, since she was an architect, just like I wanted to be. Anyway Grandpa Alfred was so pissed that a Canadian Team won the World Series in 1992, and he wanted payback.

VIRGINIA: Kids, you all ready?

HEATHER: Yes, Mom.

TED: Yep.

VIRGINIA: Okay let's get going!

ALFRED: Yep let's head out! Ted, please turn off that TV…Hey! That's my favorite show! That dad is hilarious! Anyways, it's a long drive to that aspiring yuppie son's native land.

TED: [clicking off TV] I still don't understand why we're going all the way to Toronto to watch a baseball game!

ALFRED: It's the Indians versus the Blue Jays! I think we have a good chance of beating them.

FUTURE TED VOICEOVER: We didn't. Toronto would go on to win the World Series for the second time in a row that fall against the Phillies.

TED: The Indians are not doing well this year, especially after that tragic accident with those two pitchers…

FUTURE TED VOICEOVER: Earlier that year, two pitchers, Steve Olin and Tim Crews, got killed in an alcohol-related boating accident in Florida. That meant a grim future for the team that year.

ALFRED: Come on, Ted. Don't be so negative. Anything could happen. Would it be fun to see the Blue Jays humiliated in their home country? What the hell is a Canadian team doing in the Major League anyway?

TED: I guess.

ALFRED: Also, we're gonna be international travelers! We're traveling to a foreign country!

TED: That's not a real country! That's our 51st state!

ALFRED: Come on, it'll be fun! And you can explore the architecture of the CN Tower and their City Hall.

TED: Well, that's true. Anyway, I don't have much of a choice. Let's go.

[family leaves house with suitcases]

FUTURE TED VOICEOVER: And so began my first trip to your stepmom's home and native land.

End of Act 2.


	3. How Ted Met Robin Sparkles-Act 3

July 21, 1993. Tim Horton's. 10:30 pm. Alfred and Ted are seated at a table eating. Alfred has his head down shaking his head. Ted is smiling and looking up at the ceiling.

OLDER TED VOICEOVER: Like I expected, the Indians would lose to the Blue Jays.

ALFRED: I don't believe it.

TED: What did you expect? The Blue Jays won last year and they are doing very well this year. They could go on to win the Series for the second time in a row.

ALFRED: Don't say that! The thought of a Canadian team winning the Series again! Oh the agony!

TED: Say that a little louder, Dad! The locals couldn't hear you.

ALFRED: Also, what was the whole purpose of singing "O, Canada" at the game tonight? Wasn't the "Star Spangled Banner" enough?

TED: For God's sake Dad! We're in their country. They're supposed to sing "O Canada". Speaking of anthems, the girl who sang it was beautiful with the voice of an angel. [sighs]

RADIO VOICEOVER: …and that was Bryan Adams with "Everything I Do (I Do It For You)". Coming up next, she's the newest teen sensation to hit the Canadian charts! Hailing from Vancouver, she's been dubbed the Debbie Gibson or Tiffany of Canada. Here's Robin Sparkles with her debut single, "Let's Go To The Mall"! You're listening to 104.9, CKNV-FM.

["Let's Go To the Mall" is playing on the radio]

TED: That song! It's so upbeat, like something from 1987!

STRANGER AT ADJACENT TABLE: The 1980s didn't begin in this country until this year. You're from the States, aren't you, eh?

TED: Yes, from Cleveland. Her voice sounds beautiful. She really sings well. I've never heard anything singe like her back in the US.

STRANGER: Her name is Robin Sparkles. She is 13 years old and she comes from Vancouver. Actually I just finished reading this magazine, and there is an article about her. You can have it. [hands Ted a magazine, which is similar to People magazine]

TED: [seeing Robin's face on the front cover]Hey! That's the girl who sang the Canadian anthem at the Indians-Blue Jays game tonight! She's beautiful.

STRANGER: Actually she's performing in Toronto this week. You should try to go and see her in concert. You can keep the magazine, eh. It'll be a nice take-home souvenir.

TED: Actually I think I should. Maybe I could get her to autograph this magazine.

ALFRED: Ted, we still have a lot of sightseeing to do during the next several days. Maybe we could go to another ball game tomorrow!

TED: I've got to see this girl in concert! Robin…what a beautiful name! Looks like someone who is going places.

End of Act 3.


	4. How Ted Met Robin Sparkles-Act 4

CNE Stadium July 22, 1993. 9:30 AM

FUTURE TED VOICEOVER: So the next morning, upon insisting, I got my parents to buy me a ticket to see Robin Sparkles in concert. I was up early that morning, watching Robin's infamous "Let's Go to the Mall" several times on a Canadian music video channel, similar to our MTV in the 1990s without "Beavis and Butt-head"

TICKET COUNTER LADY: Good morning. How may I help you, eh?

TED: I'd like one ticket to see Robin Sparkles in concert tonight.

TICKET COUNTER LADY: I'm sorry (pronound "Soh-ree"), the tickets for Robin Sparkles are sold out for tonight.

TED: What about tomorrow night?

TICKET COUNTER LADY: Sorry (still pronounced the Canadian way).

TED: [sigh] Ah forget it, let's go guys. It's not a big deal. It's not like she was my girlfriend or anything. She's not an international sensation like Celine Dion or Bryan Adams…

HEATHER: Did you say "girlfriend", Ted?

TED: No, I didn't, sis!

HEATHER: Yes, you did! You want to go on a date with her! Theodore's in love! C'mon! The odds on you dating a celebrity, even a Canadian one, are very slim. You have enough trouble getting a date with a regular non-celeb girl back in Cleveland!

TICKET COUNTER LADY: Hey sir! Good news! Somebody just cancelled! We have a ticket for you tonight.

TED: Great! I'll take it!

TICKET COUNTER LADY: However, it's a front row seat with a backstage pass. It will cost $100.

VIRGINIA: That sounds a little steep.

TED: Mom! It's _Canadian_ dollars. Their $1 equal 60 US cents. Basically we're only spending US$60. You can't get tickets like that back in the States for that low a price.

VIRGINIA: Okay Ted. [hands the money to the lady]

TICKET COUNTER LADY: All your son needs to do is show a form of ID. You're American, eh? He just needs to show his passport. By the way if you guys want to get a preview of her performing, you should go see her at the Eaton Centre sometime in the afternoon.

TED: Eaton Centre? Isn't that a mall?

TICKET COUNTER LADY: Yes it is. Think about it. (she pronounced a-boot) Her hit song is titled "Let's Go To The Mall". Naturally, all the mall owners in Canada are making her sing that song at their malls, to increase their customers and revenue.

TED: Maybe I should get a sneak peak, while my Mom and sister do some shopping. But first we need to go up to the top of the CN Tower.

End of Act 4.


	5. How Ted Met Robin Sparkles-Act 5

July 22, 1993, 8:00 pm, CNE Stadium

OLDER TED VOICEOVER: Later that day your grandparents, Aunt Heather, and I toured the CN tower. It was a very intellectually stimulating experience for me, being an aspiring architect. Aunt Heather enjoyed walking on the glass floor…me not so much [flashback shows teen Ted fainting]. After the CN Tower, we went to the Eaton Centre, where I did get to see Robin sing the mall song we've all grown to love…

OLDER ROBIN VOICEOVER: Except the singer herself…

OLDER TED VOICEOVER: The crowd was huge and unruly, so I could not get close to shake her hand and meet her. I wasn't sweating it though. I had my backstage pass, so I was going to meet her after the concert that night. Or so I thought…

[Ted locates his seat and seats himself]

TED: Not bad…not a bad seat all.

[Enter another teenager about 16-17 years old. He takes the empty seat right of Ted. He looks like Neil Patrick Harris when he was on 'Doogie Howser']

TEEN: Beautiful night for a concert, eh?

TED: Yeah, not bad. Are you a big Robin Sparkles fan?

TEEN: Yep. Been to her concert about {say ah-boot} 10 times. How about you?

TED: This is my first time. Actually I'm from the States. I'm here on vacation.

TEEN: Well welcome to Canada. I hope you enjoy your stay and the concert. [notices Ted's backstage pass] You're lucky, you get to meet her after the concert. I couldn't afford the backstage pass.

TED: I think your chance will come sooner or later, since you live here and you go to her concerts often. Hey! Did anyone ever tell you that you look like Neil Patrick Harris from 'Doogie Howser'?

TEEN: I don't know. I don't watch American TV shows often…

OLDER TED VOICEOVER: Kids, 'Doogie Howser, MD' was a TV series about a teenage doctor. The title character was portrayed by a guy who looked just like Uncle Barney. And this spectator sitting next to me also looked like Uncle Barney. But he wasn't Uncle Barney. [we see scenes from the show with the Doogie Howser theme song playing the background.

TEEN: So, your first concert, eh? I tell you, it's gonna be spectac…wait for it…ular!

OLDER TED VOICEOVER: Remember how Barney had a Canadian paternal grandmother? I didn't know it then, but I would later learn that this fellow was related to Barney. He was the grandson of Barney's grandmother's brother. His name was Kenneth Bernard Waltrip. He later had some run-ins with the law and ended up committing suicide in prison. But I'll get to that later… BTW don't ever bring it up with Uncle Barney. It's dark moment in his family history; he has enough problems accepting his Canadian heritage.

TED: I'm looking forward to it. I got a good sneak preview at Eaton Centre.

KENNETH: So did I, if you know what I meen. [winks]

TED: Oh, jeez, I don't want to hear that!

MALE VOICEOVER: Ladies and gentleman! The moment, you've all been waiting for. Live tonight at the CNE Stadium, the Debbie Gibson of Canada, Miss Robin Sparkles!

Enter Robin Sparkles.

ROBIN SPARKLES: Hello Toronto! Are you all ready to jam? Let's rock this night til Canada Day, eh!

[flashforward 2 hours later]

TED: [singing to himself] Everybody come and play, throw every last care away…

KENNETH: Pretty catchy song, eh?

TED: Love it! So 80sish! Anyway, it's nice meeting you, dude.

[they shake hands, and when Ted doesn't look Ken swipes his backstage pass and runs]

TED: Hey, what the fudge?

OLDER TED: But I didn't say 'fudge.'

[Ted runs and chases Kenneth to a line leading to the backstage to meet Robin Sparkles. Kenneth manages to be back in line]

TED: [confront Ken] Give my back my backstage pass! [swipes backstage pass and runs to the front trying to get closer to the backstage entrance.]

Ken suddenly kicks Ted to the ground. He slips a copy of _Catcher in the Rye_ in Ted's back pocket without anyone noticing.

Enter two Mounties.

MOUNTIE 1: What's going on here, eh?

KEN: Constable, this guy tried to steal my backstage pass and and is now trying to cut in line! He may be a psycho!

OLDER ROBIN VOICEOVER: Constable? That sound kinda British!

OLDER TED VOICEOVER: You put the King on your money! You're British!

(To reader: I'm assuming Queen Elizabeth II will have died by 2032, and that Charles, William, or George will be on the throne depending who's alive or dead in 2032)

MOUNTIE 2: Looks like we have a copy of _Catcher in the Rye._ We cannot have a Mark David Chapman on our hands. [slips handcuffs on Ted]

OLDER TED VOICEOVER: Kids, Mark David Chapman was the man who shot and killed ex-Beatle John Lennon in 1980. He was carrying a copy of _Catcher in the Rye _at the time. Don't ever read that book, you'll become an obsessed fan of whomever.

MOUNTIE 1: Okay sir, you're coming with us.

TED: Are you fellows gonna read me my rights?

MOUNTIE 2: US laws do not run in Canada.

[They walk away. Ken holding the backstage pass is snickering.]

End of Act 5


	6. How Ted Met Robin Sparkles-Act 6

Toronto Police Station, July 22, 1993. 10:33 pm.

Ted is sitting in a cell.

OLDER TED: That night was scary. I was being booked for a crime I did not commit. Even worse, I was being booked in a foreign country. As I sat in the cell, the only thought on my mind was if I'd ever see the USA again, even if it meant being grounded for the rest of my life. Bail had been set at 10,000 US dollars, and I knew my parents would rather disown me than pay that.

Enter warden.

WARDEN: [handing him a telephone] Okay, Mosby. You are allowed one telephone call.

TED: [dials phone] Hello, Marriot Toronto? Please connect me to room, 1102.

Hotel room 1102.

Phone rings. Heather picks up.

HEATHER: Hello?

TED: Heather, it's Ted. Somebody framed me and got me arrested at the concert tonight. I am sitting at a cell in the Toronto police station, and they are asking about the equivalent of 10000 American dollars! Please get me out of here and don't tell Mom or Dad; they'll kill me!.

HEATHER: Okay, I'll see what I can do.

Cut scene to Heather walking down the streets of Toronto at night.

OLDER TED: After a few minutes of thinking, your Aunt Heather decided to track down Robin to plead her to release me and prove my innocence. It was pretty easy to track Robin down. She found a local newspaper that featured an article about not only how Robin Sparkles was performing in Toronto, but also about which hotel she was staying. That's Canadian privacy for you. So she went to the hotel where Robin was staying and…

Cut Scene to Hotel Lobby

HEATHER: I'm looking for Robin Sparkles. I am big fan of hers and I want her autograph.

FRONT DESK LADY: I'm sorry [still pronounced "sohree"], I am not at liberty to tell you which room she is staying at.

HEATHER: But I came so long and far. If I don't see her, I'll die!

FRONT DESK LADY: Sorry, no can do!

OLDER TED: Now this is how Aunt Heather explained it. She jumped over the desk and punched the lady in the stomach. As she fell on the floor, your aunt pinned her with her feet. She got on the computer and quickly typed up Robin Sparkles… no results. So she just typed "Robin". She got two results, one Coleman and other with a weird name that looked Russian but started with an S. Aunt Heather quickly deduced that the one the Russian last name must be that your stepmom. She took note of the room number ran for the elevator…

[Front desk lady gets up]

FRONT DESK LADY: SECURITY! SECURITY! [picks up phone] Hello? Get me the police!

Cut scene to floor where Robin is staying. Heather runs to find the room where Robin is staying. She find the room and knocks on the door. Door opens, Robin Sparkles appears.

ROBIN: Hello, how may I help you?

OLDER TED: …and that's how Aunt Heather met Robin Sparkles.

HEATHER: Hello, Miss Sparkles. My name is Heather Mosby! I'm from the States. My brother…

[Suddenly two Mounties enter and slip handcuffs on Heather]

MOUNTIE 1: Madam, you're coming with us. You are under arrest.

HEATHER: I need to talk to Miss Sparkles! Let me go! Hey! Aren't you gonna read me my Miranda rights?

MOUNTIE 2: Silly American! US laws do not run in Canada!

End of Act 6.


	7. How Ted Met Robin Sparkles-Act 7

Act 7. Car Ride Home. July 23, 1993 1:37 pm.

Alfred is driving, Virginia is in the passenger seat, Heather and Ted are seated in the back.

OLDER TED: In the words of Will Smith, it was a long ride home. I don't know I survived it. They took turns, one would beat me while other was driving. (Okay they did not beat us.) But that was one of those rare times Grandpa talked to me about something other than baseball.

ALFRED: I hope you two are happy! I cannot take you two anywhere without you causing trouble.

VIRGINIA: Words alone cannot describe the way your dad and I are feeling right now.

ALFRED: You not only embarrassed us, but the entire United States of America! What will Canadians think of our country now?

VIRGINIA: I always wanted to see my kids famous on TV, but not on the morning news in the crime segments, and definitely not on CBC news!

ALFRED: Why couldn't I have normal kids like Alex, Mallory, Jennifer, or Andrew?

VIRGINIA: Heather, you are grounded for the rest of the summer, until school starts! Ted! You're grounded until Christmas Day!

ALFRED: The groundation is temporary, but that police punishment is permanent. You guys have been expelled from Canada! You cannot go back to that country ever again! The Canadians are fed up with you two! Fed up!

[Ted and Heather are seen smiling at each other. Ted is then looking at his new Robin Sparkles CD smiling and chuckling]

ALFRED: You think this is funny? I don't know where you got that CD. I don't remember you even buying it. You must have stolen it!

OLDER TED: I didn't. I'll get to that soon.

ALFRED: I hope getting arrested was worth it…

OLDER TED: And it was totally worth it; I ended up having my very first date in Canada…

End of Act 7.


	8. How Ted Met Robin Sparkles-Act 8

The date with Robin Sparkles.

July 23, 1993 12:04 am

Stretch Limo. Ted is seated in the back seat next to Robin, who is in casual teen attire. Heather is seated on a side seat.

OLDER TED: As I said, I had my first date in Canada. And despite the subsequent punishments employed upon me and Aunt Heather, it was worth it. From a teenage point of view, one could call it a dream date. After all, who doesn't want to date a celebrity, even in the context of another nation?

TED: I cannot believe I'm in a limo with Robin Sparkles!

ROBIN: For an American, you seem overly excited. I am not famous in the United States, except maybe near the border.

TED: I took an instant liking to Let's Go to the Mall. It reminded me of Debbie Gibson or Tiffany.

ROBIN: [sigh] I know.

TED: What's the matter?

ROBIN: It's great that the song is such a big hit, and I make good money from the hit. I love travelling too. I just get so tired of being in one mall after another singing this song. I miss being home in British Columbia today of all days.

TED: Why's that, Miss Sparkles?

ROBIN: It's okay. You can call me Robin. Today is my birthday. I just turned 13 about four minutes ago.

TED: Happy birthday, Robin.

HEATHER: Happy birthday.

ROBIN: I just don't like the idea of being away from my mom or my sister on my birthday. Nobody should celebrate his or her birthday alone. [tear runs down her cheek]

TED: Oh, don't cry. We'll have a little party for you in this limo. Do you know where we can get a cake at this time of night?

ROBIN: Maybe there is a 24 hour Sobey's. [picks up car phone] Hey, Rajiv, do you know a Sobey's that is open at this time of night?

[25 minutes later]

Robin, Ted, and Heather are seated in the limo. Robin is holding a small birthday cake with a "13" candle on the top. The cake decoration has a blue French horn.

TED, HEATHER: [in unison] Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Robin! Happy birthday to you!

Robin blows out candle

ROBIN: Nice cake. Like the blue French horn.

TED: Looks a little bit like a Smurf penis.

ROBIN: [laughing and elbowing Ted] Get out of here!

HEATHER: So what did you wish for, Robin?

TED: She cannot tell her wish out loud! It may not come true!

ROBIN: I'm not that superstitious, I'll tell you. My wish is one day to move to New York City and become a world famous journalist, like Peter Jennings or Morley Safer.

TED: I'm hoping that one day I'll move to New York too. I want to be an architect, like Frank Lloyd Wright or I.M. Pei. Hopefully I will be able to make my contribution to the New York skyline. Maybe while I'm at it, I'll meet the girl of my dreams.

ROBIN: We only have a 2 year age difference, so we could end up meeting each other when we move to New York.

TED: Maybe. I'd probably have a tough time recognizing you, so I'd have to check out every blonde in the city and check if they hail from this country.

ROBIN: Actually, I am not blonde. I'm a brunette. [takes off wig, lets down her brown hair]

TED: Even more beautiful. I like brunettes more than blondes. That's beautiful hair. I love your blue eyes. So change of plan: I'd have to check out every brunette with blue eyes when I move to New York.

ROBIN: [smiling] Hee hee. Hey, I think I should take you back to your hotel? Where are you two staying.

Pause.

TED: Wait a minute! I had never been to Toronto before! I'm proably gonna be ground for the rest of my life, or until I turn 18. And I could be banned from this country for a long time. I think I'm in love with you, and I'd like to have a date with you…tonight! Let's take the ultimate spin around this city! Looks like Heather is sleeping, so we don't have to worry about her being a third wheel.

ROBIN: It's a date!

2 hours later. The limo arrives at the hotel.

ROBIN: I had a wonderful time tonight. I am so impressed how much you know about the architecture of the CN tower.

TED: I'm impressed how much you know about the key journalists in the mass media. And you have a wonderful singing voice. I think destiny has it that our paths will cross one day, you as a journalist and me as an architect.

ROBIN: You are sweetest guy I ever met. I am so sorry that you got framed like that. I swear, I'm going to write to PM Campbell to request you get amnesty.

OLDER TED: Kids, Avril Phædra "Kim" Campbell was the Prime Minister of Canada from June to November that year, succeeding Brian Mulrooney, whom Robin referenced in her infamous mall song.

TED: Thank you, I appreciate it. Happy birthday.

ROBIN: This was a wonderful date. Thank you for making my 13th birthday legendary.

TED: Thank you for making my trip to Toronto memorable. Well, I gotta take Heather and call it a night. Goodnight Robin, until our paths cross again. May we meet in New York.

OLDER TED: And we would.

ROBIN: Oh Ted! Wait! Before you go! I want you to have this. [grabs a CD, opens the case, takes a black permanent marker, and writes a personal message on the CD]. Here. It's my album CD. Those days of groundation may but tough, but listening to my songs may give you a lot of comfort and joy, as well as make the days fly by faster.

TED: Thank you, Robin. [starts to exit limo]

ROBIN: Oh, and one more thing. [reaches over and kisses Ted on lips for about a minute]

OLDER TED:…and in the context of my pathetic teenage life, that was my best date ever.

End of Act 8


	9. How Ted Met Robin Sparkles-Act 9

Jail cell. Toronto Police Station. July 22, 1993, 11:35 pm.

OLDER TED: It was a tough time being in that jail cell in Toronto. Even though it was just an hour or two, it was traumatic for someone who never was arrested before. Those were the longest hours of my life.

TED: I'm sorry I dragged you into this.

HEATHER: It's okay Ted. We'll be alright.

TED: I'll do my best to get Mom and Dad to be lenient on you if we get of this.

WARDEN: Theodore Evelyn Mosby? Heather Mosby? Good news! You two made bail. [unlocks cell door]

OLDER TED: As the warden escorted us out, my legs were trembling. I was getting prepared to face the wrath of Grandpa Alfred and Grandma Virginia. I knew they were not going to believe I did not do anything wrong. As the philosopher Will Smith used to say, parents just don't understand. I also knew that I couldn't distract your grandfather by talking about baseball. As Heather and I approached the station lobby prepared to see two angry faces, we were instead pleasantly surprised by the face of the most beautiful blue eyed teenage girl I had ever met on this continent.

Robin Sparkles is standing in the lobby in casual 1990s teenage girl attire. Background music is Debbie Gibson's "Lost In Your Eyes"

ROBIN: [approaching Ted] So you're the American tourist who saw my show!

TED: You're the one who posted our bail?

Robin nods.

TED: But you don't even know us!

ROBIN: I just had this gut feeling that you did not do anything wrong. Actually, you and your sister made the late local news tonight. I was watching the news in the hotel when I saw you faces. They interviews that jerk who claimed you attacked him and stole his backstage pass. Something did not add up.

TED: What do you mean?

ROBIN: That Ken Waltrip guy tried to grope me when he met me backstage.

TED: I swear to God. He stole the backstage pass from me and then tried to frame me. [tears runs down his eyes]

ROBIN: Don't cry. I believe you. You're looking straight my eyes. I usually have a gut instinct for who looks trustworthy and who doesn't. You look like someone I can trust.

TED: Thanks.

ROBIN: [blushing] I cannot believe that an American took an instant liking to my music.

TED: I heard you sing "O Canada" at the Blue Jays game, and you voice sounded angelic. Though it's not my anthem, your rendition of that anthem is 100 times better than Whitney Houston's rendition of the Star Spangled Banner.

ROBIN: It's great to hear somebody fell in love with my singing voice because of a song other than "Let's Go To The Mall."

TED: I liked that song too. Great 80s feel. Actually all your songs are excellent. That was a great concert. I'm gonna buy myself a CD of your album before I go home…if my parents will let me.

ROBIN: I have a lot of copies in my limo. I'll give you a copy with my autograph. I can't believe I'm talking to my first true American fan. [pauses] Hi, I'm Robin! Welcome to Canada!

TED: [bashfully and blushing] Hi, I'm Ted.

ROBIN, TED: Hi! [they smile and stare into each others' eyes]

The Debbie Gibson song comes to a close.

End of Act 9


	10. How Ted Met Robin Sparkles-Act 10

Cut back to 2032

TED:…and that is how I met Robin Sparkles.

PENNY: That's it?

LUKE: I don't buy it.

PENNY: Me neither.

Robin is silent, but her angry face is gone, but she now has a befuddled face.

TED: Really. Not this again.

LUKE: Let's look at the facts here. You say you were barred from entering Canada, but you had taken several trips to Canada within the last five years. Remember that family trip the four of us took to Quebec in 2027? (The fourth person is Robin, since Tracy is dead)

PENNY: Also, remember in 2030 when you flew to Vancouver to comfort Robin when her father was on his deathbed?

ROBIN: I don't have to look far! We had our wedding in Vancouver!

LUKE: This is a story about how you had a lousy trip to Toronto, and in your fantasy you wish you had met a cute Canadian girl during your trip and dated her.

PENNY: And your biggest wish was that you had met Robin as Robin Sparkles during that trip.

TED: I did not make it up. I really did meet your stepmom as Robin Sparkles!

PENNY: Grandpa Alfred told me how you saw posters of Robin Sparkles around Toronto and how you got mesmerized. Then he told me how you begged him for a ticket to see her in concert, but he refused.

LUKE: Then he said that you cried like a big pu**y all the way home because he didn't grant your wish.

TED: Watch your language! You're grounded. Grandpa Alfred lied.

PENNY: Really? Grandpa Alfred remembers the story like it was yesterday.

TED: You're grounded too!

Penny and Luke laugh.

PENNY: Can you really prove that you were banned from Canada at some point.

TED: Sure! [goes to file cabinet drawer, pulls out a letter yellow with age, hand letter to Luke] Here, read this.

LUKE: [reading letter] Office of Prime Minister, Langevin Block, 80 Wellington Street, Ottawa, Ontario K1A 0A3. Theodore E. Mosby, Wesleyan University, Hewitt Hall, Room 583, Middletown, Connecticut 06459. 14 January, 1997. Dear Mr. Mosby, A grave blunder has been made on our side that has affected your life and your privileges as an American visitor to Canada. We understand that on July 22, 1993 you were arrested on suspicion of being a crazed stalker who stole a backstage pass during a Robin Sparkles concert, and had a copy of Catcher in the Rye in the back pocket. Although charges were not filed, we banned you from the country because we did not want a Mark David Chapman or John Robert Bardo on our hands. After all, Robin Sparkles is a treasured icon. Miss Sparkles (real last name Scherbatsky) wrote a letter to us begging for amnesty 4 years ago, but we did not go forward with the amnesty because she was and still is a minor as of 1997. However on 8 December, 1996 a crazed fan named Kenneth Ellison Waltrip was at a Robin Daggers (aka Sparkles, aka Scherbatsky) was seen firing shots at Robin. Fortunately, Robin only had a minor flesh wound on her left shoulder. Mr. Waltrip was arrested and indicted. Mr. Waltrip confessed to attempting to murder Miss Scherbatsky, claiming that voices told him to do so. Amidst the investigation Mr. Waltrip admitted to framing you for the incident dating to 22 July, 1993. He was convicted and sentenced to life in prison on 14 December, 1996. On 31 December, 1996, Mr Waltrip was found to have hanged himself in his cell. Amidst the tragaedy we realized we needed to right a wrong. Your ban from Canada has been lifted, and you are free to enter of leave the country as you wish with proper identification. We apologize for the inconvenience we may have caused you and your loved ones and I hope it does not affect your view of our great nation. Sincerely, Jean Chretien, Prime Minister of Canada

PENNY: Wow, you weren't just telling a tall tale, Dad.

TED: Uncle Marshall and Aunt Lily can attest to it too. Unless we were eating sandwiches at the time.

LUKE: Do you still have a scar from that shot, Robin?

ROBIN: Actually I do. [lifts up sleeve to show scar]

PENNY: Wow. That must have been scary.

LUKE: Is this the real reason you never liked telling people about your experience as a pop star?

ROBIN: I needed to protect my identity. When I moved to this country, I thought I could keep it a secret, since my music did not sell internationally. That's also why when Marshall sang "Let's Go to the Mall" at the Hoser Hut, I covered my face with that hockey mask. I did not want one of the fellow Canadians at the bar to recognize me in fear that he might be a crazed psycho fan.

TED: That's why I never told you all you those years ago that I went to your concert and still had the CD. I did not want you to suddenly assume that I was a psycho. You had enough problems with me when I showed up the first time with the smurf penis.

ROBIN: You're 100 times more normal than that stalker who tried to shoot me, Ted. [takes the CD case and opens it] Oh, Ted. That _was_ the message I wrote to you. That _was_ my handwriting in the 1990s! I'm touched that you kept it after so many years.

TED: I listened to it every day when I was grounded. It kept me happy through many a lonely and boring day. And the message you wrote on the CD always kept me hopeful.

ROBIN: Oh, Ted! [They hug and kiss, Robin sheds a few tears] I love you.

PENNY: [looks at CD inscription, reading out loud] To Ted, May all your dreams as an architect and a romantic sparkle. May our paths cross again in New York. Love Always, Robin Sparkles xoxo. And there's a heart on the 'i' in Robin.

LUKE: This is staying with us for generations to come. [places CD on shelf, adjacent to Tracy's bus]

_**THE END**_


End file.
